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Australia considering to adopt politically correct 'Ha, ha, ha!'

Australia considering to adopt politically correct 'Ha, ha, ha!'

An Australian employment firm has advised its mall Santa's to consider refraining from bellowing "Ho, ho, ho!" in favor of "Ha, ha, ha!" Westaff, a recruitment firm that hires hundreds of Santa's, said that "Ho, ho, ho!" could frighten sensitive children and might even be considered derogatory to women. Women prostitutes, apparently, would be quite miffed as they strolled through the mall in fishnets and fake nails hearing "Ho, ho, ho!" Anticipating an eager client, they'd be disappointed to learn that the greeting came from an overweight red-suited dude whose rosy-cheeked wife would roast his chestnuts if she ever found him cheating.
How far do you want to carry this? Should we go into Smith & Hawken and request a "sharp-edged gardening implement" lest someone think we're pulling an Imus?
Westaff, perhaps weary of being a global laughingstock, now says that the decision of whether or not to "Ho, ho, ho!" will be left to the individual Santas.
Frankly, I like my Santas with a bit of an edge. How much of an edge? Well, I thought Billy Bob Thornton was too nice in "Bad Santa." My all-time favorite screen Santa was Dan Aykroyd's drunken Claus, who was so hungry in "Trading Places," that he wrapped a whole cooked salmon in his red suit, pausing occasionally to pull it out and bite its smelly head. Fabulous!
Santa cops are everywhere this year. In Maine, a beer distributor is fighting for the right to sell "Santa's Butt Winter Porter," which has a label depicting the huge backside of Santa as he takes a beer break. Protesters believe it will lure children to want to drink the beer because Santa drinks it. I believe this is reindeer poop because, believe me, Santa's big arse spilling off both sides of that beer barrel is scarier than those green things in fruitcake. And what's your kid doing in the beer aisle, anyway?
I also heard about a Jewish family whose babysitter took their son to see a mall Santa and were upset to the point of litigation when Santa told the boy that he'd receive Christmas gifts. I believe their complaint should be with the sitter, not Santa. How is Santa supposed to know the kid is Jewish? I mean, sure, he can travel around the world in a sleigh and deliver millions of toys in a single eight-hour night but, people, he's not perfect.
The "solution," according to some, is to have two lines: one for kids who celebrate Christmas and one for "everybody else." Yeah, that'll work. Santa tells Travis he gets an Xbox; Moses, on the other hand, gets a dreidel. Nope, no hard feelings there.
Celia Rivenbark is a freelance columnist in Wilmington, North Carolina. She is the author of "Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like A Skank."


Updated : 2021-05-13 02:56 GMT+08:00